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The Tale of April Ryan

Comedy song poem story

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#1 Keated

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Posted 04 September 2014 - 01:27

You ever feel like you've committed WAY more effort to a single amusing thought or joke than you should have? (Granted, I write comedy sketches, so this is a common thing for me, haha) Whilst singing badly in the shower about 3 hours ago, I had a thought - as someone who entered a somewhat silly entry to the fanart contest (a badly drawn picture of Crow in his underwear, a work of sheer Crow-pants, I assure you :P ) I'd feel the need to enter a 'low bar' to the music contest too. Now, granted I am slightly less musical than a rock, which can at least be used for percussion, and the music contest has long since been abandoned, but I assure you, that didn't stop me spending the last 3 hours crafting a song of poor quality, in written form only, which I shall now share with/inflict upon you now. Allow me to set the scene I was imagining - you're walking through Marcuria, and happen upon someone singing a song, not overly well, forcing far longer sentences than have any business trying to be in that song structure into place by sheer force of will and half, quarter, one eigth and one sixteenth rhymes so bad Vanilla Ice would blush...

 

 

'The tale of April Ryan'

Gather round; hear ye! A tale told by me,
About she as brave as a lion!
Was she short and stout, or did she drink like a lout?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

Born and raised in Stark, she came on a lark,
From a land of wonder and science!
When she arrived, was she surprised?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

As she explores, she has to run chores,
Finding a man she found most tryin'!
Captain Nebevay, would she just run away?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

You see that to get back, a man she must track,
A man most famous for his ridin'
A contraption of gears! *Gasp* Did it take years?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

When next she returned, I heard it wasn't yearned,
Although that could be from someone who's lyin',
She arrived in the night, did she take fright?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

She next set to meet, a fellow most sweet,
Though he found human time mystifyin',
He told her a prophecy. Did she then flee?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

She needed a book, and knew where to look;
She just asked the librarian.
To recreate the disc, would she be adverse to the risk?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

To travel to sea, the old man she'd need,
Or at least a favour worth buyin'
He had a request, but would she get stressed?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

She won back his bird, though it seemed absurd,
Using magic from the land of iron.
For the bird she did feel, but would she go back on the deal?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

(Yeah, thanks April)
*Looks around, shrugs*

Now for the windy tempest, stolen by an alchemist,
It had all the sailors a cryin'
She needed it to sail. Oh, would she fail?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(... and Crow)

*Looks around confused, shrugs*

Now her journey had truly begun, she chanced upon a sad Little One
And with him was allyin'
To find his brother. Would she blunder?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan.
(And Crow)

*Looks around, squints as he sings the next verse*

In the Gribbler's den, she found the brother of Ben,
Terrified of dyin'
But did she stay here, or cower in fear?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan.

 

*Looks around quickly, waiting, then shrugs*

The banda gave her their disc, then off she whisked;
The wind still wasn't even sighin'!
She still had a job; Would she just stop?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

*Frowns, sighs and carries on*

A sight not for wimps, April gets a glimpse
Of Klacks' castle: It's a flyin'!
When Klacks attacks, should April be lax?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

*Sighs resignedly*

The wind now free, just as it should be,
The captain was now complyin'
They set out quite quick, would April feel sick? (Uh, yes.)
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

During this trek, the ship came to wreck,
Perhaps the work of a siren?
April was dragged down, oh no, would she drown?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

The Maerum impressed, she passed their test;
With the snapjaw she was fightin'
The beast she did best. Would she stop for a rest?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan.

*Looks around expectantly, shrugs*

Next the Alatien, oh what a nation!
To meet them, she went gravity defyin'
A land full of lore! Did she find it a bore?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

She gained both their discs, helping them coexist,
The Tanyenn now they were supplyin',
Before she did leave, would she have a reprieve?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

Now back underwater, went the White's daughter,
Eye to eye with an eyeball of cyan,
He gave her his eye. Oh no, did he die?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

She got the Dark People's disc, they didn't want to resist,
Gave her a lift back as she was dryin'
She was attacked by the vortex, was she saved by Cortez?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

She found the venar, she didn't have to look far,
He was not one for shyin'

His disc he gave her, did April err?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

Finally reforged the disc, the process was brisk,
Crow narrowly avoided fryin' ('Narrowly' my tail feathers!)
With the Tyren attack, would she look back?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!
(And Crow!)

Finally returned, as Marcuria burned,
The White talks with her scion,
Gifted her eye, but would April cry?
No! This is the tale of April Ryan!

To the Guardian's Realm, would she overwhelm,
Passed the tests, made friend from foe,
The balance restored, were you ever bored?
No! That was the tale of April Ryan... and Crow.
(And... yeah, damned right.)

 

 

 

Thank you, thank you, your generous donations are appreciated!

(Folks actually pay you for this!?)

Well... it's more like 'throw coins at my head to try and make me stop', but I'm nothing if not tenacious...



______________

 

Seriously though, what do people think? Obviously said singer doesn't really know much about the Stark side of things (and took a little... 'creative license' with events, particularly April's reactions to things), so I chose to omit those (I actually still had a few awful options for the Ryan semi-rhyme, if anyone demands that I try to add an extra part somewhere :P ) Also, if anyone has any improvements to suggest, feel free, this is a crime of passion, not skill xD


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#2 darkshuria

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Posted 04 September 2014 - 15:11

Was she really born to Stark? ;)

Otherwise nice, beautiful imagination!!! I shall be almost disappointed that Dreamer does not exist: you would have been able to share us your vision ^^


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#3 thelj

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Posted 04 September 2014 - 21:46

Is Crow singing that song?


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#4 Keated

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Posted 07 September 2014 - 22:12

Well, at the time she thought she was, so wherever the singer got his information from would reflect that, not to mention a fair few things are technically wrong (like not getting seasick) for the sake of making her look more heroic, lol.

Crow is singing the parts in brackets - basically interrupting the song because he's annoyed at not getting his fair dues throughout.


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#5 Rowan37

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Posted 17 September 2014 - 16:30

Haha, I am amused!
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-Rowan "To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." -Cortez TLJ

#6 WorldsReunited

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Posted 17 September 2014 - 23:05

That is totally awesome.  :D


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